Infinity on 30 Credits a Day

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Poll 23 - Page 5 dialogue

10 April 2007 - 16 April 2007

Instructions to voters were:

Here is the task given to the writers:

We have an outline of the next scene of the comic, and the MIDDLE part of the description is as follows:

The crew become crestfallen. Jimmers asks what happened. Daisy explains that one of the bigger competitors destroyed one of the smaller ships before the starter's pistol fired. The ship turns, heads back, slowly. A chance for exposition? Jake: "Good start, though."

This is enough for one or perhaps two pages of the comic. Your task is to write a panel-by-panel description of this action, with complete dialogue. Assume each page contains about 5-8 panels, like the ones we have for the first three pages. You may write it as one or two pages. Other dialogue writers have been given the task of detailing the preceding action (up to the false start messages) - you should not worry about that part; continuity can be adjusted later.

You should follow the general plot of the description above, but may change details slightly. The "starting pistol" might actually be a radio message or something - don't worry about that, it will be set by the winning description of the preceding action and your dialogue will be changed to fit.

Do not extend your descriptions into the next part of the plot ("The ships reform the line...") - other dialogue writers will be given that task. Your description should end with the provided line by Jake: "Good start, though."

  1. 1 {shot from in front of Jake and Daisy, working at controls}
    1 Jake: Kill the engine! Hit the brakes!
    2 {shot from behind Daisy, who is shaking her fist at the viewport}
    2 Daisy: What a complete dravork!
    2 Jake (offscreen): At least it wasn't us he shot to pieces.
    3 {shot from behind Jimmers, who is poking his head out of a panel in the floor a ways behind Jake and Daisy, who are swiveled in their chairs to look at him. The spidercat is on his shoulders}
    3 Jimmers: What happened? Why did we stop? That contraption you two built powered up most beautiful.
    4 {closeup on Jake}
    4 Jake: According to the announcement, the Firehawk blew up the Tysolian ship with the unpronounceable name a second before the race started, so we have to start over.
    5 {Jimmers climbing back down again. Now the spidercat is dangling from his elbow, which causes it to droop a little, like putty}
    5 Jimmers: Well, I hope it does not happen again. Starts and stops use fuel a lot more fast than just cruising.
    6 {From behind Daisy, we can see ship parts floating past the open window}
    6 Daisy: If it happens again, the amount of debris on the starting line will make running out of fuel the least of our worries. Oh, look! A stabiliser coil! Almost brand-new! Such a waste.
    7 {Jake looking at the coil through the viewport}
    7 Jake: Pity we don't have the time to salvage it. Good start, though.

  2. 1 (Panel 1, wide. Warnings still flashing over screens.)
    1 (Silence)
    2 (Panel 2. View of bridge, warnings fade away, speaker clearly visible)
    2 Jimmers (Over intercom): It wasn't us!
    3 (Panel 3. Close up on Jake)
    3 Jake: What wasn't you?
    4 (Panel 4, wide. Warnings now fully gone, speaker still visible, Jake and Daisy also visible.)
    4 Jimmers: We didn't fix our fuel lines badly...
    4 Daisy: You didn't what?
    4 Jimmers: causing half our fuel to be blown into space before we could fix it again.
    5 (Panel 5. Jake and Daisy looking very surprised.)
    5 (Silence)
    6 (Panel 6: Same as 2, except warnings gone.)
    6 Jimmers: Forget we said anything. Why are we stopping?
    (New Page)
    1 (Panel 1, wide. Daisy reading something of a computer screen.)
    1 Daisy: It looks like one of those big ships destroyed a smaller competitor...
    1 Jake: Then what's the problem?
    1 Daisy: ...before the starter fired.
    2 (Panel 2: Jake looking very angry.)
    2 Jake: Aaarggh! We had an incredible start! We were going to win!
    3 (Panel 3: Daisy, looking shocked.)
    3 Daisy: You're worried about that? They might blow us up next!
    4 (Panel 4: Inserted greyscale version of panel 5 of the CabbyHat page.)
    4 Jake: After our "little accident"?
    5 (Panel 5: Daisy looking resigned.)
    5 Daisy: Yeah, I guess there are advantages to being incompetent.
    6 (Panel 6: Jake angrily looking at Daisy.)
    6 Daisy: What? You thought we weren't incompetent?
    7 (Panel 7: Jake, looking way too happy for the situation.)
    7 Jake: Maybe. Good start, though.

  3. 1 (The crew is in the cockpit looking crestfallen. Jake and Dazer are at their seats and Jimmers is standing next to them. Schroedinger is on Dazer's shoulders)
    1 Jimmers: What happened?
    2 (Dazer is now looking at the computer)
    2 Dazer: It seems one of the bigger ships torpedoed a smaller one before the starting signal!
    2 Jimmers: Oh...
    2 Jimmers: That ship will be tricky to repair.
    3 Jake: Good start though! We're sure to have made an impression.
    4 (the crew looks surprised)
    4 Ship computer: We are now being targeted by 72 ships.
    5 (The crew, cat included, is now looking at the computer in shock, except for Jimmers that looks cheerful)
    5 Jimmers: Hey! You were right! They noticed us.

  4. 1 {Shot of the crew, somewhat miffed and darkened, inside the Infinity. Particular look of frustration on Jake's face}
    1 Jake, muttering: Stupid luck, the whole setup fires perfectly and then this...
    1 Jimmers: Why... wait, what happened?
    2 {Close-up of Daisy, hovering over a display while facing Jimmers}
    2 Daisy: A few of the race participants mistook a small incident as the signal to start the race.
    2 Jimmers: Small incident?
    2 Daisy: Well, maybe not so small.
    3 {Infinity passes the scene of the destroyed ship in pieces and another ship with visible burn marks. Jake, Daisy, and Jimmers can be seen in the Infinity's bridge screen window}
    3 Daisy: We have one less competitor. Looks like Majority Rule destroyed the Minority.
    3 Jake: I knew that would happen. We all know who wins that race.
    3 Jimmers: Huh? I don't get it.
    4 {Back inside the Infinity, Jake grabs a huge roll of duct tape and regains his composure}
    4 Jake: Never mind that. I'm going to go see what needs patching up. Something does, I'm sure.
    5 {Overhead of the crew inside the Infinity, Jimmers looking lost and Daisy trying to look hopeful. Jake is pictured from behind.
    5 Jimmers: Can I help?
    5 Jake, off-panel: Sure, c'mon.
    5 Daisy: I'm a little unnerved. Minority was a pretty decent favorite.
    5 Jake: It's no concern of ours, no one is taking us seriously yet anyway. We need to keep focused on keeping Infinity running.
    6 {closeup on Jake's face with a knowing and sly grin, enormous roll of duct tape on his shoulder}
    6 Jake: Still...
    6 Jake: Good start, though.

  5. 1.1 {Jake and Daisy are silent, still looking at the alarm/speaker, their faces blank, shock delayed.}
    1.2 {The shock comes through and their reactions show on their faces.}
    1.3 {Daisy turns to look at Jake as he decelerates Infinity.}
    1.3 Jimmers (over communicator): Why are we slowing? I didn't touch -
    1.4 {Jimmers has duct-taped an arm to the wall of the passage from page 3 and is trying to free himself.}
    1.4 Daisy (over comm): It wasn't you. Evidence of Velociraptor II sabotaging another ship before the starting signal means an immediate restart.
    1.4 Jimmers: Evidence of sabotage?
    1.5 {Jimmers is still trying to free his arm.}
    1.5 Daisy (over comm): Avogadro's Incisor apparently exploded. In theory sabotage is strictly not allowed before the race begins, but they'll only disqualify or handicap you if there's hard evidence. Or if your bribe is too small.
    1.6 {Jimmers is upside-down and has three limbs duct-taped to the wall.}
    1.6 Jimmers: So we won't have to worry about them sabotaging us?
    1.6 Daisy (over comm): Velocirator II's probably arguing with the race officials that there's no evidence. They have a pretty good chance.
    1.6 Jimmers: But a ship exploded!
    {new page}
    2.1 (Large panel. Outside shot of Infinity and other ships turning. You can possibly see Schroedinger at a window. Displays are flying around with things like "RESTART", "BACK TO THE START" etc.}
    2.1 Daisy (not over comm): There's no wreckage to be seen, it... Huh. I didn't think any dimension bombs were left from the Tourei war.
    2.1 Daisy (not over comm): This race has gotten fiercer since my grandfather's days.
    2.2 {Jake looks to Daisy.}
    2.2 Jake: I've told you that. Ship design, computronic intelligence, program efficiency, automation and integration - it's galaxies beyond what Papa Hoshino raced with and against back in the day.
    2.2 Daisy: And weapons.
    2.2 Jake: Yeah, them too.
    2.3 {Jimmers has freed himself from the wall, but now his arms are taped together.}
    2.3 Daisy (not over comm): Ah, it's official. Velociraptor II has not been disqualified from the race. What a waste of time.
    2.3 Jake (not over comm): I suppose we have one less ship to worry about.
    2.4 {Jimmers looks behind him, to see some sort of leak on the wall where he was stuck.}
    2.4 Daisy (not over comm): It's a pity we don't have two fewer ships to worry about.
    2.4 Jake (not over comm): Good start, though.

  6. 1 {Jimmers standing around, confused}
    1 Jimmers: What happened? Why are we turning around?
    2 {Scene pulls back to show Daisy and Jake. Daisy turns to face Jimmers. She looks annoyed, but Jake is still easy-going
    2 Daisy: One of the middleweight ships - Killmasta, I think - destroyed one of the flyweights before the starting signal was broadcast. Now we have to redo the start.
    2 Jimmers: Oh no!
    2 Jake: Good start, though!
    3 Daisy: Yeah. There's a silver lining, also: now that the Killmasta is disqualified, we have one less opponent in the race. So in the end, this was a good thing!
    3 Jake: Except for Killmasta!
    3 Jimmers: And the crew in the destroyed vessel?
    4 {Daisy turns to look out of the window. Jimmers stretches it's neck to also see through the window.}
    4 Daisy: Right, right...
    4 Daisy: Oh look, there's the Killmasta now... They haven't escorted it away yet.
    4 Jimmers: Where?
    5 {This panel should be pretty big. We see the Killmasta and Infinity next to it. Killmasta should look gigantic and extremely dangerous compared to Infinity.}
    6 {Back inside Infinity. Jimmers is still looking out of the window, alarmed now. Jake pilots the ship, cheerfully}
    6 Jimmers: That's a middleweight ship? What weight are we?
    6 Jake: Anti-gravity!.

  7. 1 {Focus on Jimmers, sad, looking down.}
    1 Jimmers: Oh man... What happened?
    2 {Focus on Daisy, looking at a computer}
    2 Daisy: Well, apparently some guy with a StarCrusher shot a Zirlion ship.
    3 {continuing Daisy explanation}
    3 Daisy: Problem is that the Zirlion technology is heavily based on organic engeneering. So all the other ships in that region ended up covered in a giant cloud of... well, something like goo.
    4 {Focus on Jake}
    4 Jake: Oh those useless organic ships! Their flesh is so sensitive you can't even use duct tape on it!
    5 Jimmers: Okay, but what's the big deal?
    6 Daisy: Problem is Jimmers, you can't do that before the starter's pistol fired!
    7 {Silence. Maybe this frame can be a little bigger, showing all of them, and maybe the spidercat sleeping, to contribute to the slow-paced scene}
    8 Jake: We had a good start, though.

Outcome

The winner is dialogue 3, written by Infinite Monkey Xocrates.

Results

Total number of votes: 69

Number of preferences: 7

Round 1

Option 1: 12
Option 2: 1
Option 3: 34
Option 4: 6
Option 5: 8
Option 6: 7
Option 7: 1
Leader is option 3, with 34 votes.
Total exhausted votes: 0
Votes needed to win: 35
Minimum vote is 1 votes.
Options eliminated: 2, 7,

Round 2

Option 1: 13
Option 3: 35
Option 4: 6
Option 5: 8
Option 6: 7
Leader is option 3, with 35 votes.
Total exhausted votes: 0
Votes needed to win: 35
We have a winner!

Raw votes

5,2,7,1,6,3,4
3,2,4,6,7,5
5,3
4,6,3,2,5,1,7
5,7,6,4,1,3,2
1,6,7,3,2,4,5
1,7,6
3,6
3,2,1
3,2,5
4
1,2,3,4,5,6,7
5,2,7,6
3,7
1,4,6
6,1,7,2
3
3,6,4,8,1,5,2
3,5,6
4,5,3,6,2,7,1
2,3,6,1,5,7,4
1,6,2,4,5,3,7
3,2,6,1
4,3,7,4,1,2,6
6,3,1,4,2,5,7
3,2,6,5,1,7,4
6,3,5,2,1,4
3,5,4,7
3,6,4,7
3,5,1,4,2,6,7
1,3,2,4,5
3,4,7,5
3,4,5,2,6,1,7
6,3,7,1,5,4,2
1,3
3,6
5,6,3,4
3
3,1,2
3,5,2,1,4,7,6
6,3,7,1,4,2,5
3,5,4,1
3,6,5,2,4,1,7
7,1
3,2,7,6,1
3,6,5,7,1,2,4
6,5,3,1,4,2,7
3,6,5
3,5,7,4,2,6,1
1
1,3,6,4,5
3,4,1,2,6,5,7
3,5,1
3,1,4,6,7
3,6
5,7,1,6
3
4,7,3,1,6,5,2
3,4,6,5
4,3,6,7,2,5,1
5,1,2,3,6,4
5,3,6,4,7,2,1
3,6,4,1,7,2,5
1,5,6,3,2,4,7
6,1
1,2,4,5
1,6,3,2,7,4,5
3,1,5,6,4,2,7
3,1,6,2,5

Infinity on 30 Credits a Day
Last updated: Monday, 16 April, 2007; 02:06:35 PDT.
This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Licence, except where indicated otherwise.
David Morgan-Mar. dmm@infinityon30credits.net
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