Infinity on 30 Credits a Day

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Poll 22 - Page 4 dialogue

10 April 2007 - 16 April 2007

Instructions to voters were:

Here is the task given to the writers:

We have an outline of the next scene of the comic, and the first part of the description is as follows:

The starter's pistol fires. The race commences. The massed ships surge forward. One of them explodes. Infinity pulls away to an impressive early lead. Inside, the crew are overjoyed with their start. Their celebrations are interrupted by a flashing alert on one of the displays. "FALSE START!" then "ILLEGAL DISQUALIFICATION!" then "ALL COMPETITORS RETURN TO START LINE!"

This is enough for one or perhaps two pages of the comic. Your task is to write a panel-by-panel description of this action, with complete dialogue. Assume each page contains about 5-8 panels, like the ones we have for the first three pages. You may write it as one or two pages.

You should follow the general plot of the description above, but may change details - for example the "starter's pistol" may actually be a radio signal or a flash of light; you may change the exact wording and method of delivery of the messages. Do not extend your descriptions into the next part of the plot ("The crew become crestfallen...") - other dialogue writers will be given that task - although you may add one immediate reaction of the characters to the messages (might make a good punchline somehow).

  1. 1 {Jake and Daisy shown getting ready at the ship controls. Both are facing away from each other.}
    1 Jake: Well, at least we've shown our engine is capable of a speedy takeoff... albeit involuntarily...
    1 Daisy: I just hope it wasn't a fluke.
    2 {An exterior shot of various ships lined up at the starting line. A billboard in the background is flashing text.}
    2 Billboard: 3... 2... 1...
    3 {Panned-out shot of scene 2, showing ships taking off. The Infinity takes the lead.}
    3 Billboard: GO!
    4 {Similar to scene 1, with both Jake and Daisy looking ecstatic}
    4 Jake: See, Dazer, what a little optimism can do?
    5 {Same scene, with the screen on Jake's terminal flashing. Jake seems upset, Daisy appears tense and nervous, but can't see the message yet since her back is turned}
    5 Display: Disqualification! All competitors return to starting line!
    5 Daisy: I hear your screen beeping. Beeping is not good. Explain the beeping. Now.
    6 {Same scene as before. Jake puts on a strained smile, trying to come up with words. Dazer looks crestfallen}
    6 Jake: Uh, the beeping. We... have to start over. At least we get to show off our engine again!
    6 Daisy: Optimism, indeed...
    6 Jimmers (over radio): Hey, it's Jimmers. That burst of speed tore something down here, I need more duck tape!

  2. 1 A mass of ships of all different sizes and designs is at the starting gate. Infinity is at the front of the pack and off to one side. A huge illuminated sign spans across the top of the gate: "ZZYBAK START". To one side of the gate is a timer, currently set at zero, many digits across to track the amount of time the race will take.
    2 The "ZZYBAK START" sign has changed to "GO GO GO GO GO". As the ships surge through the gate Infinity is seen to be slightly ahead. An explosion is seen on the opposite side of the gate from Infinity. The timer has changed to: 00:00:00:000:0:00:000:00:00:00:01:63
    3 Jake is at the helm. Amidst the jumble of gauges, dials and lights on the control panel is a screen showing the "GO GO GO GO GO" message. Another panel clearly shows the time, now up to 00:00:00:000:0:00:000:00:00:00:03:15.
    3 Jake: This is smooth, Dazer. I can't believe how clean and fast we got off the line.
    4 Daisy is at a secondary control panel. It does not have the navigation controls, but has all the other sensors, gauges and dials the main navigation panel (where Jake is) has. The screen still reads "GO GO GO GO GO" and the time now reads 00:00:00:000:0:00:000:00:00:00:07:01.
    4 Daisy: That was a great start, but we still have a long...
    4 [A loud pinging noise starts up, interrupting Daisy.]
    5 Jake is looking down at the screen on the control panel that now reads, "FALSE START". The time now reads 00:00:00:000:0:00:000:00:00:00:09:42.
    5 [The pinging noise continues as an alarm to call attention to the messages.]
    5 Jake: What in Taggart's Hells?
    6 {Jimmers is stretched to look at the control panel around/over Daisy. Schroedinger has climbed up on the wall above the control panel to look, too. The screen now shows, "DISQUALIFICATION". The time is 00:00:00:000:0:00:000:00:00:00:12:17.}
    6 [Pinging continues.]
    6 Daisy: What did you do? That better not be us, Jake.
    6 Schroedinger: Loud.
    7 Still at Daisy's control panel, Jimmers has now moved beside her. The screen now shows "RETURN TO START LINE". The time is 00:00:00:000:0:00:000:00:00:00:16:00.
    7 [Pinging still.]
    7 Jimmers: Thought we heard the starting bang?
    7 Jake (off screen): This isn't my fault!

  3. 1 {all the ships are lined up against the starting line, waiting for the race to begin.}
    1 (loudpseaker on spaceport): Ladies and Gentlemen. start your engines!
    2 {A being in a spacesuit standing on a podium at the spaceport fires a laser pistol.}
    2 (loudspeaker): Go!
    3 {A ship explodes in a huge explosion, scorching the being with the laser pistol. All the other ships race off.}
    3 (loudspeaker): And they're off!
    4 {the scene changes to a commentary booth, and an alien with headset, suit, and tie addresses the viewers.}
    4 Alien in suit and tie: The race is on, ladies and gentlemen! Oh! Look at that explosion!
    5 {same scene, but now the alien is holding a hand to his headset, listening to the judges}
    5 Alien in suit and tie: What? False start? Really?
    {new page}
    1 {aboard the Infinity, the crew celebrates the start. Daisy cheers while Jake does a high-five with the spidercat}
    1 Daisy: Yay! We're off!
    1 Jake: And we weren't engulfed in a huge exploison this time! We must be gettin' good at this!
    1 Jimmers: Forward! To the infinity!
    2 {in the Infinity's cabin, a radio speaker starts. Jake slams a fist in the dashboard, making pieces fall off}
    2 Radiospeaker: False start! All competitors return to start line! Violators will be disqualified!
    2 Jake: No! Not now! Gah!!
    3 {Same scene. Daisy is comforting Jake, while Jimmers and the spidercat collect the dislodged dashboard parts}
    3 Daisy: Come on, Jake. It's just a restart.
    3 Jake: All that duct-tape... for nothin'!!
    3 Jimmers: Well done, Jake! I vacuumed this cabin yesterday!
    3 Spidercat: Meow.

  4. 1 {All of the ships in the race wait at the starting line}
    1 Disembodied voice of reporter: And here we are, just moments before the Great Zzybak Race. The ships are massed.
    2 {Anticipation on the faces of the crew of Infinity}
    2 Voice of reporter: The crews are ready.
    3 {The reporter with race officials and/or dignitaries standing next to a man in a black and white striped referee's jersey with starter pistol in hand}
    3 Reporter: The officials are prepared to start the race
    3 Pompous official: Blah blah blah on this momentous occasion blah blah blah commence in 5, 4, 3, 2
    3 Sound effect bubble overlapping official's speech: Bang!
    4 {Shot of Infinity ahead of the other ships, near the "camera" with the others in the background}
    5 {Triumph on the crew's faces}
    5 Jake: Yes!
    5 Daisy: What a start!
    5 Jimmers: Yippee!
    5 Voice from a control panel: Attention, attention!
    6 {Officious-looking bureaucrat type on monitor}
    6 Bureaucrat: I must apologise, but it appears that the Pantserschip has been destroyed, and subsequently disqualified. Please return to the starting line. The ships in the lead took off prematurely.
    7 {Jake looks stricken}
    7 Jake: I swear that's never happened to me before.

  5. 1 {Jake is sitting in his little captain's chair from Pumpkinetic's page.}
    1 Jake: Is Jimmers done with the repairs?
    2 {In a different room, much larger and filled with various control panels displaying diagrams of the ship and other important items. Daisy is sitting at the central one.}
    2 Daisy: I think so. We might have a little trouble later but I think we should get a good start. How are you doing Jimmers?
    3 {Jimmers is still in the area he was repairing.}
    3 Jimmers: I've just finished repairing, and I had a small snack while I was waiting.
    4 {Back to Daisy}
    4 Daisy: What did you-
    5 {Daisy has been knocked backwards (but being buckled in she is still in her chair) by sudden acceleration. Over the intercom Jake speaks.}
    5 Jake: Sorry, guys! The starting pistol just fired!
    6 {Outer space. A large number of ships have stopped by a sign reading, "FALSE START. DISQUALIFICATION."}
    6 Daisy: Darn.
    6 Jake: Oh well. We can prepare a bit more. I'm just glad I don't have to reload the pistol.
    7 {Very few ships are visible, all to one side, with the exception of one behemoth in the shape of a pistol, and despite the environment, its muzzle is smoking slightly.}

  6. 1 {The ships are lined up in front of the line.}
    1 Announcer (off screen): The race starts in 3... 2... 1... Now!
    2 {The ships have started to move. They are generally clumped together, with the starting line still in view. The Infinity is about twice as far out as the closest competitor.}
    2 Announcer (off screen): And there they go! The Infinity has taken an early lead.
    3 {Inside the ship, Daisy has a exultant look, and Jake is smiling. They still look at their control panels.}
    3 Daisy: Ha! We may have the cheapest ship in the race, but it's the fastest, too.
    4 Jake: So long as we can stay this far ahead, we'll be out of weapon range.
    5 Daisy: They can't stop us now. We can just coast to an easy victo-
    5 [Sound Effect]: Beep!
    6 {Jimmers has joined the crew on the bridge, holding some sort of gizmo. Daisy and Jake share a look of frustration.}
    6 Sound Effect (Different font than the Announcer): FALSE START! DISQUALIFICATION! ALL COMPETITORS RETURN TO START LINE!
    6 Jimmers: Does anyone know what this thing does?

  7. 1 (Bridge of Infinity)
    1 Daisy: Are you ready?
    1 Jake: Hoo rah!!!
    2 (Jake and Daisy have their hands on the ship's controls)
    2 Voice crackling from comm unit: Racers ready? Set? {Then a blam sound from the radio}
    3 (Space)
    3 We see the ships surge forward, one is exploding in the background, but we see Infinity in the lead
    4 (Space [Infinity is even further in the lead])
    4 Voice coming from Infinity: We're in the lead! Hoo rah!!!
    5 (Bridge of Infinity, facing Jake and Daisy who're frowning as red lights flash)
    6 {Interior of Infinity, in a room that has computer displays}
    6 Jimmers: I was monitoring that. The ship who gets disqualified better not be us! If it is... then a visit from the spidercat might be in order...
    7 (Same room)
    7 Jake from the intercom: We heard that Jimmers, remember, spidercats don't do that kind of stuff.
    7 Jimmers (crestfallen): Aw, man!

  8. 1 {A mass of ships at the starting line, evidently this is a popular race! Many of them sport exotic paint schemes, boasting of their victories in previous races...}
    2 {The bridge of the starship Infinity}
    2 Jake: Oh my God! These guys are pros! How are we supposed to beat them, in this?
    2 Daisy: Stop worrying. I have a plan.
    2 Jake: You always have a plan! And it never stops me worrying!
    3 {Engine room. Jimmers is lying beneath an improbably futuristic-looking machine, his legs sticking out comically}
    3 Jake: You do know that makes no sense, right? How are they...
    4 {We never find out what else is said, as the view cuts to a small starship with a traditional black-and-white check paintjob with "Starter" painted on the side.}
    4 Starter (caption): 3...
    5 {Cuts to Jimmers in engine room}
    5 Starter (caption): 2...
    6 {Cuts to bridge again}
    6 Daisy: Get ready Mr. Jimmers!
    7 {Wide panel view of the starting line again}
    7 Starter (caption): 1..
    8 {The ships surge forward. In the backgorund, some sort of flare has been launched above the competitors. There is an explosion in the middle of the pack, a ship has been destroyed!}
    8 Starter (caption): Go!
    9 {Cuts to the bridge ot the Infinity}
    9 Daisy: Now, Mr. Jimmers!
    10 {The Infinity surges ahead}
    10 Jake: Yee-haw! I knew you'd do it Daisy! I always trusted you!
    {new page}
    1 {Still on the bridge}
    1 Starter (caption): False start! All competitors return to the starting line! Repeat, return to the starting line! The infractor has been dealt with!
    1 Daisy {runs to an intercom}: Mr. Jimmers, shut it off!
    2 {Tight panel on Daisy's conversation with the intercom}
    2 Jimmers (Through intercom}: You sure Ma'am? I thought that shutting the device off mid-burn might kill us all in an incredible fiery conflagration of doom!
    3 {View of the whole bridge. Jake is understandably concerned..}
    3 Jake: Wait, it might what?! Dammit Daisy, I never trusted this plan of yours!
    3 Daisy {Ignoring Jake}: Eject the core, Mr. Jimmers!
    4 {View from space of an object floating away from the now-stationary Infinity.}
    5 {Once more, unto the bridge}
    5 Daisy: Let's get back to the starting line! Mr. Jimmers, back-up engines on-line!
    5 Jimmers: Back-up engines?
    6 {Shows Infinity, motionless in space, alone}
    6 Jake (caption): We are so screwed!

  9. 1 {The view is from behind a bald, green-headed alien. We can see the back of the alien's head and neck, plus the top of his yellow jumpsuit. He is holding a very futuristic pistol, pointing it directly up. Ranged in front of him is an impressive collection of spaceships, all in a perfect line. They come in a huge variety of shapes and sizes, and conditions of repair. Particularly noticeable are the Infinity as well as a very small, sleek ship. Small sound effects words (in a small font) are distributed through the line, "hummm", "bzzzzzzz" "putt-putt" and so on.}
    1 ALIEN: Ready . . .
    2 {Pretty much the same as the last panel. The sound effects words are now in a larger font. At least one ship has impressive blue energy crackling between those things that energy crackles between.}
    2 ALIEN: Steady . . .
    3 {The view is from the same spot. The starter alien has discharged his pistol, which makes a very impressive blast of energy. In every spot where a spaceship used to be, there is a blur of speed lines, with sound effects like "VOOM!!" "BLAST OFF" and so on. Except for the spot where the very small, sleek ship was. At this spot we see an explosion, with bits of the ship and the sound effect "BOOM!"}
    3 ALIEN: Go!
    {new page}
    1 {The control room of the Infinity. Jimmers is checking a monitor on the left side, while in the lower right corner of the panel Daisy is looking at another screen with the words "FALSE START" displayed on it. Jake is between them.}
    1 JIMMERS: There are no other spaceships in front of us.
    1 JAKE: We're in the lead! All right!
    1 DAISY: Uhh, guys, I think we better see what this is...
    2 {Closeup of Daisy's screen. It reads}: DISQUALIFICATION. ALL COMPETITORS RETURN TO START.


The winner is dialogue 1, written by Infinite Monkey NeoCarbuncle.


Total number of votes: 83

Number of preferences: 9

Round 1

Option 1: 19
Option 2: 8
Option 3: 7
Option 4: 6
Option 5: 9
Option 6: 11
Option 7: 2
Option 8: 10
Option 9: 11
Leader is option 1, with 19 votes.
Total exhausted votes: 0
Votes needed to win: 42
Minimum vote is 2 votes.
Options eliminated: 7,

Round 2

Option 1: 19
Option 2: 8
Option 3: 8
Option 4: 6
Option 5: 9
Option 6: 11
Option 8: 11
Option 9: 11
Leader is option 1, with 19 votes.
Total exhausted votes: 0
Votes needed to win: 42
Minimum vote is 6 votes.
Options eliminated: 4,

Round 3

Option 1: 19
Option 2: 9
Option 3: 9
Option 5: 10
Option 6: 11
Option 8: 13
Option 9: 12
Leader is option 1, with 19 votes.
Total exhausted votes: 0
Votes needed to win: 42
Minimum vote is 9 votes.
Options eliminated: 2, 3,

Round 4

Option 1: 22
Option 5: 11
Option 6: 14
Option 8: 20
Option 9: 15
Leader is option 1, with 22 votes.
Total exhausted votes: 1
Votes needed to win: 41
Minimum vote is 11 votes.
Options eliminated: 5,

Round 5

Option 1: 23
Option 6: 18
Option 8: 24
Option 9: 17
Leader is option 8, with 24 votes.
Total exhausted votes: 1
Votes needed to win: 41
Minimum vote is 17 votes.
Options eliminated: 9,

Round 6

Option 1: 28
Option 6: 22
Option 8: 27
Leader is option 1, with 28 votes.
Total exhausted votes: 6
Votes needed to win: 39
Minimum vote is 22 votes.
Options eliminated: 6,

Round 7

Option 1: 39
Option 8: 33
Leader is option 1, with 39 votes.
Total exhausted votes: 11
Votes needed to win: 36
We have a winner!

Raw votes


Infinity on 30 Credits a Day
Last updated: Monday, 16 April, 2007; 02:03:48 PDT.
This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Licence, except where indicated otherwise.
David Morgan-Mar.
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